The Sexism by Family and Friends After Separation
Have you ever found yourself being questioned by family about your personal choices after separation or divorce? Criticised for not making the ‘right’ choices or being called selfish?
For anyone who has gone through a separation you very quickly are forced to face the reality of increased expenses, tough decisions needing to be made quickly around where you will live, and feeling pulled in every direction to the point you no longer have time for you.
To top this all off we seem to face a barrage of sexism from family and sometimes even friends around the choices we have made.
Expenses Sky Rocket
In the immediate aftermath of a separation, there is the inevitable skyrocketing of expenses. Others may criticise you for not managing your finances, not appreciate that you have to buy furniture, need to cleanse yourself of old items with memories attached for your own mental health, or simply the reality that running two households is more expensive than one.
There will also be, where children are involved, an undoubted criticism if you don’t spend enough money on your children. Surely buying them things will help them cope? Right? WRONG! No amount of things or money will buy a child’s sense of security. It is instead how you show up each and every day and your ability to be present in those precious moments you get to spend with them.
However, whether it be parents, siblings or friends it can feel like everyone has an opinion on how you are managing your money and the choices you are making. Research Tall Poppy Woman has conducted shows that women are 70% more likely to be criticised in how they manage their money compared with men after separation. You need to stand strong to protect your financial security it is, after all, you who will be left to deal with the consequences of the financial decisions you make today in 10, 15 or 30 years-time not them.
It is also women who typically suffer the most financially between the time of separation and the formal financial separation being court approved. Often ex-partners threaten, bully or simply restrict access to cash making a tough situation worse and in some cases forcing continued dependency resulting in the ex-partner remaining in control.
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